10) You know you're a redneck when you have flowers planted in old electrical and plumbing fittings in the front yard.
9) Why do people send flowers to a funeral, maybe if they had of sent them before the person would have pulled through?
8) Working for a company is like being in a tree full of monkeys. The monkeys closer to the top see only smiling faces when they look down, and the monkeys at the bottom see only big &rses!
7) Dwayne's teacher asks him what is the difference in age between him and his brother.
"Well seeing that my mamma told me last year that mah brother was a year older than me...", Dwayne replies, "by mah calculations we should be about the same age!"
6) A zookeeper notices someone throwing $20 bills at the monkeys. The zookeeper tells the man to stop and that it's not allowed.
"Of course it's allowed!", says the man.
"No it's not", says the zookeeper.
"Sure it is, it says right here: 'Don't feed the monkeys. $20 fine.' "
Top 5 very best short jokes ever
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5) I was in the park sitting on a newspaper trying to keep my but dry when a guy walks over and asks, "Are you reading that?" I didn't know what to answer so I said yes, stood up, turned the page and sat down again.
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4) A girl at a party, rather annoyed, told me I was drunk.
I said, "Yes, you are absolutely correct, but tomorrow morning when I wake up I will be sober, you on the other hand will always be a dog."
3) A man walks into a lawyer's office and asks the lawyer what his rates are.
"I charge $100 per 3 questions."
"That's rather expensive for only 3 questions, isn't it?" asks the guy.
"Yes it is. And your final question?"
2) Two friends are walking through a game park in Africa when all of a sudden an angry lion growls at them from only 100 yards away. The one friend calmly puts his backpack down, removes his Nike running shoes, and puts them on.
"What are you doing", exclaims his friend, "you can't outrun a lion!"
"I'm not going to outrun the lion," says the friend, "just you!"
1) A drunk blonde is sprawled out on the bar counter stabbing at the olive in her Martini with a toothpick. This carries on for a few minutes until a guy watching grabs the toothpick and skewers the olive in a single attempt.
"That's how to do it" Says the guy.
"Big deal", says the blonde, "you only got him because I tired him out!"
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