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Hilarious Christian Clean Jokes about the Church, Bible and Vicars

"The top 10 Hilarious Christian clean jokes. If you have a funny clean Christian joke you want to share then please add it at the bottom..."

10) An embarrassed woman approaches the Reverend after the service.
"I'm awfully sorry about my husband walking out like that, I do hope you won't take it as a reflection of your beautiful sermon?"
"No, not at all" says the, now slightly less taken aback, reverend, "I'm sure all God's creatures have their reasons."
"Oh I'm so glad" says the woman "Peter has been sleep walking since he was a child."

9) Moses and his followers reach the Red Sea with the Egyptians in hot pursuit.
Moses decides to call a staff meeting (and that's not even the joke...)
He calls the wizest men forward to ask for ideas on how to cross the water.
One old general suggests building a pontoon bridge, but there's no time. Another suggests building rafts, but alas there's no time for that either.
Finally Moses' Public Relations man stands up.
"You have a plan" says Moses
"No I don't", he says, "but if you do manage I can promise you some good coverage in the Old Testament!"

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8) No, I wouldn't say she's been married many times, but the church did bill her for a new aisle carpet.

7) At a church picnic the priest has set out a table of oranges and cookies. On the one side of the table, by the oranges, the priest has placed a sign, "Take only one, God is watching!"
Little Johnny walks up to the cookies and sure enough he starts stuffing his pockets.
Upon seeing him an altar boy exclaims's, "Johnny, what are you doing?"
"It's Okay," says Johnny, "God's watching the cookies!"

6) A guy finds a parrot that can quote passages from the bible. He takes it to church over Easter and boasts to the priest and congregation that the parrot can deliver a more compelling sermon than the priest. Of course when the big moment comes the parrot just sits on the guys shoulder squawking for another cracker.
The guy runs home with the parrot and is so furious that he wants to wring the bird's neck.
"Wait!", shouts the parrot, "think of the odds we'll get at Christmas."

The top 5 hilarious Christian clean jokes:

5) A rather poetic vicar is shaking hands with the exiting congregation when he spots a "good weather" member of the congregation.
He grabs the man's hand, pulls him to one side and says, ‘We hope to see you more regularly dwelling amongst our army of the Lord!’
The man replies, "I'm already a member of the Army, Vicar."
"So why don't we see you more often?" asks the vicar.
The man whispers, "I'm part of the secret service."

4) After a long drawn out sermon, the vicar announces that there will be a meeting of the board after the church service. The 1st man that arrive is a total stranger.
"Perhaps you have misunderstood my son" says the vicar, "We're going to have a board meeting." "Well", says the stranger, "If there's someone more bored than me, I’d like to meet him."

3) Sign outside church: "We know you're not too bad to join, but are you good enough to stay away?"

2) Rupert brags to his friends about his singing fish. None of them believes him so he invites them around one evening to witness for themselves.
Sure enough when the fish's big moment arives...nada, just bubbles and a low hum.
"Rupert", says one of the friends,"You might get a parrot to talk but you'll never get a fish to sing."
"That's what you think," says Rupert, "My fish CAN sing, he's just a little off-key and you all know how difficult it is to tuna fish?"

Best of the hilarious Christian clean jokes

1) Sign outside church: "Pray today, beat the Christmas season rush."

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