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10) Christmas Shopping
We are the end of December and the judge of the criminal court is in a good mood. He asked the defendant :
What are the charges against you?
- I am accused of having done my Christmas shopping too early!
- But this is not a crime ! What do you mean ?
- Well, before the store opens ...
9) Blondes and christmas tree
Two blondes decide to save a little money and go into the woods to find a tree for Christmas.
After two hours of intensive research, the first harassed exclaims:
- Well I'm tired, the next we see with or without balls, you take it!
8) Christmas love
Two old men are sitting on a bench:
- The most beautiful thing on earth is to still make love!
- Maybe for you! the other responds in a quavering voice. But for me it's Christmas!
- Really? Why Christmas?
So the old man thoughtfully:
- Because it happens more often!
7)
The Christmas Doll :
Before christmas, a woman goes into a toy store to buy a Barbie doll for his daughter.
She asked the seller to show her the different Barbie dolls available.
He said:
- There is a barbie girl at 18 dollars, 32 dollars for an adult Barbie and 350 dollars for the divorced Barbie
The woman asks:
- Why is the Divorced Barbie so expensive?
And the seller answered:
- Because it comes with Ken's car, Ken's house, Ken's boat ...
6)
Christmas night :
Santa has managed to infiltrate a small fire place and landed in a sleeping room of a beautiful naked woman.
- Shit! he said. I must have the wrong address once again...
Then he looks at length the beautiful sleeping body, he looks down at himself and he whispers:
- If I do something, I can not go to heaven. But if I don't do anything with her, I wont' be able to go up the chimney ...
Our favorite five best christmas jokes ever...
5) Four ages in the life of man :
There are four ages in the life of man:
- First he believes in Santa Claus;
- Then he no longer believes in Santa Claus;
- Then he is Santa Claus;
- Finally he get to the point where he looks like Santa Claus.
4) Christmas preparations
We are at mid-December and Santa is preparing feverishly for Christmas as Mrs. Claus continues to harass her to spend one week in the south. No longer able, Santa gives him a plane ticket and said,
- Look, I do not have time to go south. Here is a plane ticket and go ahead without me.
Mother Christmas then flew alone to the south. Landing in Jamaica, she falls on a nice big muscular black who intends to serve as her escort. In the evening, the beautiful black Adonis asked her to take her back to her room and the inevitable thing happened. While undressing, Mrs. Claus found out that Adonis is a beautiful stallion with a 10 inches penis.
So she spends the entire week with him. When back on the road from the North Pole, she asks to the black Adonis :
- We spent the whole week but I do not even know your name.
- You'll laugh, especially you Mrs. Claus, because although I am black as ebony, my name is "Snow".
Mrs. Claus takes the plane and then return home so that Santa Claus is preparing to make his grand tour. He asks:
- And this holiday, how did it go ?
- Ah, don't remind me. It was better you did not come because we had 10 inches of snow every night.
3)
In an elevator, there is a construction worker, an intelligent blonde and Santa Claus. One of them goes to the sixth,
which one?
- The construction worker, because Santa Claus and the intelligent blonde do not exist.
2) Michael Jackson and Santa Claus
What is the common point between Santa and Michael Jackson?
Both empty their bags into the rooms of little children ...
This last chistmas joke is definitely oldie but goodie...
1)
What is the common point between a priest and a Christmas tree?
For the priests, the balls are also there for decoration!
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An angel on top of the Christmas 's tree
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One Christmas eve Santa was preparing all his "tools" to go to work, but the night before somebody shot his deers,his dog dropped some
shit on his boot,...
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