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Hilarious Clean Jokes

"The top 10 Hilarious clean jokes. If you have a funny clean joke you want to share please add it at the bottom..."

10) A Scotsman is visiting some relatives in Canada. They take him on short hike through the wilderness.
"Och Seamus, what’s that oover there?’ asks the Scotsman.
"That’s a moose" says his cousin.
"Is tha right", exclaims the Scot, raising an eyebrow, "If that's a moose, I’d hate ta see yo' rats!"

9) The Irish rugby team is being given a tour of Cape Town Waterfront.
The driver points out the window, "... and look to the right, you’ll see we’re passing the biggest pub in the Southern Hemisphere."
A voice booms from the back of the bus, "Why?!"

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8) The definition of bad luck: Stranded on a desert island with your ex-wife.

7) A guy walks long faced into a bar.
"Double vodka", he says.
"Bad day?", asks the barman.
"Yes, my brother just told me he's gay."
Next day the same guy is in the bar and orders two double vodkas.
"What's the problem today?" enquires the barman.
"My younger brother told me he's gay."
The 3rd day the guy is back again and orders 5 double vodkas.
The bartender says, "What's up? Does nobody in your family like women?"
"Yes, my wife…"

6) Fun things to do while shopping: Spray the perfume ladies with your cheap 99cents musk deodorant.

The top 5 hilarious Christian clean jokes:

5) Little Johnny runs crying downstairs. His mother asks, "What's wrong now Johnny?"
"Dad was hanging shelves" says Johnny, "and he hit his thumb with the hammer."
"So why are you crying?" soothes Johnny's mother, "you're a big boy, you don't normally cry at things like that. You normally laugh."
"I did" sobbed Johnny.

4) You know you're 50 when:
You've run out of things to learn the hard way.
Your latest conversation was about someone's operation.
You sing to elevator songs.

3) Not so good employee performance evaluations:
Works well under constant surveillance, and when cornered like a wild animal.
He is out of his depth in a parking lot puddle.
I would like to go hunting with this employee sometime.
Should go far in life, in fact he should start walking now.
Some drink from the fountain of knowledge, he gargled and spat.

2) Why do women love cats. They do what they want, don't listen, don’t come when you call them, stay out all day and night, catch the occasional bird, then at home they just want to be left alone and sleep. So basically women love all these characteristics in a cat but hate men for the same things!