Top 10 Rude Short Jokes

We believe these are the funniest rude short jokes ever but if you think that you know better then add your joke at the bottom and we promise we won't rubbish it. Yeah right!

10) Paddy returns home only to hear frantic noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs and finds his wife on the bed in what appears to be a great deal of distress. He picks up the bedside phone and is about to phone the hospital when his son shouts:
"Dad, there's a naked man in the wardrobe."
Paddy opens the wardrobe and lo and behold, it's his best friend Patrick.
"I don't believe it Patrick, how could you!" Exclaims Paddy, "Mary's busy dying of a heart attack and you're playing games with the kids!"

9) Why wasn't Jesus born in Ireland?
They couldn't find 3 wise men and a 13 year old virgin.
(Hey, you're the one that Googled rude short jokes ...)

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8) Mary says to Claire, "Shamus tells me that he's been fantasizing of 2 women at once."
"Sheesus!" said Claire, "What did you say?"
"Isn't it enough that one woman laughs at you in bed, why anger another."

7) A male fly notices a rather attractive female fly lounging on a pile of cow manure.
The male fly swoops down next to her and says, "Excuse me, but is this stool taken?"

6) A university professor is in the habit of starting his lectures with rude sexist jokes. All the females in the class have had enough and decide that they are all going to walk out when the professor starts his next rude joke. But the professor discovers their plan and is one step ahead.
The following lecture the professor begins:
"Did you know that in China they are so short of whores that they're importing them by the ship load?"
At that all the female students rise and begin walking out.
The Professor shouts, "There's no rush ladies, the boat only leaves tomorrow!"

Top 5 best rude short jokes ever

5) The Redneck goes for his yearly medical check up and the doctor says, "Burnell, I'm going to need a blood, urine, semen and faeces sample."
Burnell says, "Sure Doc, how about I just give you my underpants."

The dirtiest redneck joke ever:

4) Brothers (and nephews) Billy Bob and Cletus are in the back garden standing in front of their dear grandmothers tombstone.
Billy Bob says, "God bless her, she would bathe every year, even if she wasn't dirty."

3) At his wife's request Paddy visits the Sexologist. They chat for a while and the doctor shows Paddy some cards.
"What is this", says the doctor holding up some ink blotches.
"Why, that's 2 dogs going balls to the wall."
"And this", says the doctor holding up some more ink blotches.
"Why, that's a man giving it to the Missus from behind."
And this.
"Well that's a threesome."
"Well", says the doctor, "I'm afraid your wife's appears to be right, Paddy, you're a sex maniac".
"I'm the sex maniac?!" Says Paddy indignantly, "You're the one with all the filthy pictures!"

2) A grandson decides to arrange an escort for his Scottish grandfather's 100th birthday party.
The escort arrives and says to the happy granddad, "Hello pops, I'm here to give you super sex."
Without hesitation the grandfather says, "I'll have the sex please!"
(Do you need to think about it - perhaps you should lie down, or visit a website with simpler rude short jokes ?!)

1) What's the best way to tell if a man is sexually aroused?
Check whether he's breathing.

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