We believe these are the funniest rude short jokes ever but if you think that you know better then add your joke at the bottom and we promise we won't rubbish it. Yeah right!
10) Paddy returns home only to hear frantic noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs and finds his wife on the bed in what appears to be a great deal of distress. He picks up the bedside phone and is about to phone the hospital when his son shouts:
"Dad, there's a naked man in the wardrobe."
Paddy opens the wardrobe and lo and behold, it's his best friend Patrick.
"I don't believe it Patrick, how could you!" Exclaims Paddy, "Mary's busy dying of a heart attack and you're playing games with the kids!"
9) Why wasn't Jesus born in Ireland?
They couldn't find 3 wise men and a 13 year old virgin.
(Hey, you're the one that Googled rude short jokes ...)
Funny-Fix.com is giving away 'Get Your Fix' - Click Here for your Free Jokes Ebook!
8) Mary says to Claire, "Shamus tells me that he's been fantasizing of 2 women at once."
"Sheesus!" said Claire, "What did you say?"
"Isn't it enough that one woman laughs at you in bed, why anger another."
7) A male fly notices a rather attractive female fly lounging on a pile of cow manure.
The male fly swoops down next to her and says, "Excuse me, but is this stool taken?"
6) A university professor is in the habit of starting his lectures with rude sexist jokes. All the females in the class have had enough and decide that they are all going to walk out when the professor starts his next rude joke. But the professor discovers their plan and is one step ahead.
The following lecture the professor begins:
"Did you know that in China they are so short of whores that they're importing them by the ship load?"
At that all the female students rise and begin walking out.
The Professor shouts, "There's no rush ladies, the boat only leaves tomorrow!"
Top 5 best rude short jokes ever
5) The Redneck goes for his yearly medical check up and the doctor says, "Burnell, I'm going to need a blood, urine, semen and faeces sample."
Burnell says, "Sure Doc, how about I just give you my underpants."
The dirtiest redneck joke ever:
4) Brothers (and nephews) Billy Bob and Cletus are in the back garden standing in front of their dear grandmothers tombstone.
Billy Bob says, "God bless her, she would bathe every year, even if she wasn't dirty."
3) At his wife's request Paddy visits the Sexologist. They chat for a while and the doctor shows Paddy some cards.
"What is this", says the doctor holding up some ink blotches.
"Why, that's 2 dogs going balls to the wall."
"And this", says the doctor holding up some more ink blotches.
"Why, that's a man giving it to the Missus from behind."
And this.
"Well that's a threesome."
"Well", says the doctor, "I'm afraid your wife's appears to be right, Paddy, you're a sex maniac".
"I'm the sex maniac?!" Says Paddy indignantly, "You're the one with all the filthy pictures!"
2) A grandson decides to arrange an escort for his Scottish grandfather's 100th birthday party.
The escort arrives and says to the happy granddad, "Hello pops, I'm here to give you super sex."
Without hesitation the grandfather says, "I'll have the sex please!"
(Do you need to think about it - perhaps you should lie down, or visit a website with simpler rude short jokes ?!)
1) What's the best way to tell if a man is sexually aroused?
Check whether he's breathing.
Do you have a great joke for us?
We'd love to hear it, please submit it in the form below...
Other great jokes submitted by our visitors!
jazzy rude joke





Jazzy rude joke: There is a builder on 3rd floor who forgot to get his saw on the 2nd floor so he shouts down to paddy on the 2nd floor but paddy cant ...
Knocked at the door short joke
Not rated yet
A man that have no legs and no arms, he went to a prostitute's house and knocked at the door,the prostitute opened the door and said :
"What am I going ...
Nock Nock short joke
Not rated yet
Nock Nock.
Question : Who's there?
Answer : Europe
Question : Europe who ?
Answer : No I'm not, you're a pooh
woooooaaahhh grasshopper
Not rated yet
Grasshopper walks into a bar.
Bartender says excitedly..." hey! we've got a drink named after you"
Grasshopper replies "what?..., KEVIN?"
Man in a Bar joke
Not rated yet
A man walks into a bar and theres a pot of gold on the counter.
So he goes to the bartender to ask what that is about. The bartender replies "well ...
Santa Claus rude joke
Not rated yet
Q : Why does Santa Claus not have kids ?
A: Because he has cotten balls
Plastic surgery joke
Not rated yet
A woman in her fifties went to a plastic surgeon for a facelift. The
surgeon told her about a new procedure called "The K*nob," where a small k*nob is ...
Tattooed penis
Not rated yet
This fellow was so deeply in love that just before he was married, he had his bride's name tattooed on his love muscle. Normally, only the first and last ...
Learn Chinese Joke
Not rated yet
Learn Chinese Joke : hilarious funny jokes submitted by our visitors
Man in hospital joke
Not rated yet
A man wakes up in hospital, bandaged from head to foot. The doctor comes in and says 'Ah, I see you've regained consciousness. Now you probably won't ...
Quick rude jokes
Not rated yet
Some quick rude jokes that I heard recently:
Two 7 year old girls, Mary and Katy, are discussing what a penis is when Mary decides she is going to ask ...
Now go from rude short jokes to short hilarious jokes , one liners insults or to really funny jokes.