Cute Very Funny Quotes

20) I've decided I'm not getting married again, when I find a woman I like I'm just going to give her a house.

19) If life was fair Elvis would be alive and the impersonators dead.

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18) In life, at times you're the windscreen, at other times you're the bug.

17) 67% of married men cheat in the States, the rest cheat in Europe.

16) If everything's going your way you're probably driving in the wrong lane.

15) For sale, parachute, never opened, used once, small stain.

14) I have a photographic memory, I just ran out of film.

13) Join the Army, travel to exotic places, discover new cultures, meet new people and kill them.

12) I love hard work. I can watch people working hard for hours!

11) I'm limited to pleasing one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow's not looking that great either.

The top 10 cute very funny quotes about life

10) I was laying awake last night admiring the beautiful night sky and the many constellations when I thought.. what the h£ll happened to the tent?!

9) I'd prefer to give them a homemade gift. Which one of our children do you think they'd like?

8) You try your whole life to teach your kids good manners but after it all they still end up behaving like you.

7) Teamwork's great, if something goes wrong I can blame it on someone else.

6) He has a lot of culture, it's called bacteria.

The top 5 cute very funny quotes about life

5) Be nice to your children, they're the ones who choose your nursing home.

4) A word to the wise is a waste of your time, it's the stupid ones that need all the help.

3) Why do people say they slept like a baby? Haven't they ever seen how a baby sleeps?!

2) It takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen. Homer Simpson

1) Nobody's a virgin, we all get scr$w$d!

 

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