Top 20 Best Very Short Jokes Ever

We think that these are the best very short jokes ever, if you think you can do better then add your 2 cents at the bottom.

Funny-Fix.com is giving away 'Get Your Fix' - Click Here for your Free Jokes Ebook!

20) I want to pass away peacefully in my sleep like my grandmother, not screaming hysterically like the passengers in her car.

19) Phone answering machine message... "If you want to buy marijuana, press the hash key..."

18 A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Clingfilm for shorts. The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."

17) I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.

16) I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, "No, the steaks are too high."

15) My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.

14) I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a muscle.

13) Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. They lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.

12) Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.

11) Man goes to the doctor, with a strawberry growing out of his head. Doc says "I'll give you some cream to put on it."

10) 'Doc I can't stop singing The Green, Green Grass of Home'
"That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome."
"Is it common?"
"It's not unusual."

9) Pierre knows a lot about horses, he worked in a French restaurant for many years.

8) Do the French eat snails because they don't like fast food?

7) What do you call 2000 pounds of Chinese soup? Won Ton.

6) Dolphins are the smartest animals in captivity, after just a few days they can train these upright walking mammals to stand at the edge of the pool and throw them fish.

Top 5 best very short jokes

5) What do you get if you cross an Irishman and a German. A man who would like to follow orders but he's too plastered.

4) An Irish couple, Patrick and Erin, have 5 children, Paddy, Seamus, Mary, Claire and Cho Mang Hu. Now Cho Mang Hu may seem like a strange name for an Irish child, but Patrick and Erin read that every 5th child born in the world was Chinese.

3) A tourist in Glasgow saves a young boy drowning in the Clyde. Later that evening the boy’s father visits the tourist at his hotel. ‘Are ew the man that pulled ma wee laddie fro' the riva?’ asks the Glaswegian. ‘I am,’ replies the tourist. The Scotsman says, ‘Right, where’s his hat?’

2) How is it that a forest fire can start with the magnified reflection of a coke bottle but you cant start a camp fire with a whole box of matches?

1) An English yacht gets into trouble off the German coast. In desperation they radio the German coastguard.
"Mayday, Mayday, We are Sinking, We are Sinking!"
After what seems like an eternity the radio finally crackles to life, "Ja ok, ve give up, und vot are your sinking about?"

Do you have a great joke for us?

We'd love to hear it, please submit it in the form below...

Enter Your Joke Title Here (Mary had a little lamb etc.)

Now break out your shell and entertain us Mr Seinfeld!
For the slow minded click the question mark > [ ? ]

Close Help Entering your joke is easy, well maybe not for you. Just type something, duh! Your fantabulous joke will appear on a Web page exactly as you enter it here. So make shure u spel good. You can wrap stuff in square brackets to make it appear bold. Ex [You suck] would show as You suck. Have fun.

Author Information (optional)

To receive credit as the author, enter your information below.

Your Name	(first or full name)
Your Location	(ex. City, State, Country)

Submit Your Contribution

Check box to agree to these submission guidelines.

(You can preview and edit on the next page)

Other great jokes submitted by our visitors!

 

Now go from very short jokes to rude short jokes , one liners insults or short hilarious jokes.
Or to funny jokes and stuff home page.